Love and hate
Six o’clock. We lock the door behind the last patient as she leaves the clinic, and arrange the lobby chairs into a big circle. It is support group night. To get the group warmed up and get a conversation going I start off with a question. “What do you hate most about diabetes?”
Around the circle we go. Each man and woman taking a turn. Nothing unexpected. Fear of complications. Frustration about not being able to eat “everything” I want. Shots are a pain in the ass. Another hates the finger sticks. Neuropathy. When they all finish I ask the second question: “What do you love most about having diabetes?”
One man vehemently: “NOTHING!” The rest, however, gave it thoughtful consideration and all of them came up with something positive. I eat better. I take better care of my health. I lost weight. I exercise more. I value life more.
Oddly, none of them asked me for my answers. So I guess I’ll share them here. What I love most: it brought me here. To this job. To this mission. To this new life. I’ve got a quote from Fredrick Buechner on my wall: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep joy and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Well said.
Another quote posted on my wall is from Dr. JoEllen Habas: “Diabetes is a pain. A pain in the neck. A pain in the finger tips. And a pain in the wallet.” And that, dear readers, sums up what I hate most about diabetes. The huge drain on my wallet.
Diabetes eats up slightly over one-half of my take home pay. It’s a weakly struggle to pay all my bills. I’m considering dropping my house insurance and my life insurance. My tires are bald, I’m way overdue for an oil change, and my car has never had a tune-up. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until I read a comment posted under the August 1st post by “the m to the c to the a.” Get out the Kleenex and the Zoloft before you read it. I’ve got it easy compared to this poor kid.
OK, so now it is your turn, post by comment: What do you hate most about diabetes? What do you love?
Around the circle we go. Each man and woman taking a turn. Nothing unexpected. Fear of complications. Frustration about not being able to eat “everything” I want. Shots are a pain in the ass. Another hates the finger sticks. Neuropathy. When they all finish I ask the second question: “What do you love most about having diabetes?”
One man vehemently: “NOTHING!” The rest, however, gave it thoughtful consideration and all of them came up with something positive. I eat better. I take better care of my health. I lost weight. I exercise more. I value life more.
Oddly, none of them asked me for my answers. So I guess I’ll share them here. What I love most: it brought me here. To this job. To this mission. To this new life. I’ve got a quote from Fredrick Buechner on my wall: “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep joy and the world’s deep hunger meet.” Well said.
Another quote posted on my wall is from Dr. JoEllen Habas: “Diabetes is a pain. A pain in the neck. A pain in the finger tips. And a pain in the wallet.” And that, dear readers, sums up what I hate most about diabetes. The huge drain on my wallet.
Diabetes eats up slightly over one-half of my take home pay. It’s a weakly struggle to pay all my bills. I’m considering dropping my house insurance and my life insurance. My tires are bald, I’m way overdue for an oil change, and my car has never had a tune-up. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until I read a comment posted under the August 1st post by “the m to the c to the a.” Get out the Kleenex and the Zoloft before you read it. I’ve got it easy compared to this poor kid.
OK, so now it is your turn, post by comment: What do you hate most about diabetes? What do you love?
posted by Wil | 12:04 PM
9 Comments:
Hate: I hate to see people suffer. Really, really gets to me. Sometimes what I hate most is the fact that other people hate it so much. I also hate ketones and middle of the night low blood sugars.
Love: Diabetes makes me unique and it gave me a life calling at an early age, which people of any age envy. And I've been on TV, in magazines, and I've met politicians and Mary Tyler Moore. That was pretty cool.
Hmm. Tough question Wil.
I have recently been trying to figure out what exactly it is about Diabetes that I hate so much.
I'm still working through it, and when I've got something to run with I'll toss a post up.
It is very expensive to live with. It really sucks to be put in the position to have to look at surrendering house & life insurance. But it's a position I can understand. You do what you have to do.
Hate: I hate the fear that I may not be around to see my grandkids. I do not want to leave this earth before I get to be a grandfather. My father died young. I do not need any help.
Love: I love that it was me and not my sisters. I love the I have it and my kids don't or someone else that I love doesn't.
I LOVE that D makes me appreciate life.
I HATE that D makes me so "tough", untrusting, skeptical, pain-in-the-ass person.
Hate: I hate the public misunderstanding of our disease and how that makes me constantly on edge when meeting strangers (and I always get the bad responses when I'm least expecting them, like when I whipped out my kit for an injection before Thanksgiving dinner, and the woman sitting across from me said, "Can't you just get a pancreas transplant?" as if I was just making life harder for myself with injections.)
Love: The fact that diabetes helps me be more disciplined in my daily life (specifically, not drinking to excess and excerising often).
Hate: that's easy. I hate the uncertainty. The nagging fear that years of doing the wrong (or slightly wrong) thing will cause me to lose my eyesight, or have kidney problems, or something else.
I also hate that I have to plan to do something spontaneous if it involves exercise of any sort. I even remember that having diabetes affected me when I proposed to my darling wife. I wanted to make sure my blood sugars were good before I asked her the question - thankfully I was.
Love: it's allowed me to be a diabetes advocate, and to help others in unexpected ways. Both of these are good things, but the hate factors far outweighs the love factors.
Love: Increased self-awareness, friendships with people facing similar struggles
Hate: Time spent managing it, it's pervasiveness, out of range readings, impact on moods, threat of complications
Hate: The fear. Of complications, of lows, of highs, of forgetting or running out of supplies, or passing it on to other relatives.
Love: All it's taught me. I know more compassion. I think it will make me a better nurse someday.
Love: the learning. The new stuff. The community.
Hate: The stress. The cost.
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